Dancing
by Anna Nightingale
Summary: A story based on Elisa's "Dancing". Edward's version of his decision to leave Bella after her 18th birthday party in New Moon. Please read and review.
1. The Waving Feather

**The Waving Feather **

I'm quite sure that this song has been turned into a song-fic before but I just had to give it my two cents too. This story isn't going to be a one-shot, it's going to have a few chapters but it's not going to be a long one either. Basically it is the time after Bella's disastrous birthday party in New Moon, it is written from Edward's point of view. Now I know most people would associate the lyrics with Bella, but for me they have a more Edward vibe and as it's my story so you guys are going to have to deal. Also if you haven't heard this song do yourself a BIG favor and you tube it, you won't be disappointed! Elisa 'Dancing' from her album 'Here comes the Sun'.

**I own:** A silver bracelet, a purple candle, a crazy cat, and this story.

**I do not own:** Twilight, its characters or plot or Elisa's 'Dancing'

_Time is gonna take my mind_

_And carry it far away where I can fly_

_The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you_

_If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears_

_'Cause it's all about love and I know better_

_How life is a waving feather_

I sat staring out my window. The sky was quickly darkening to an inky black and I could smell the intrusion of night on the newly fallen dew. Another day was over, another day closer to the choice, the decision that I was yet to find the courage to make. I sighed and dropped my gaze to my hands, they sat perfectly folded in my lap, the exact way I had positioned them an hour ago. I sucked a deep breath into my lungs and savoured the scents as they rolled over my tongue, one scent in particular sent my senses reeling – her scent.

Two days had passed since Bella's complete failure of a birthday party; true she seemed to have moved on from it already, from the proximity to death she experienced, but I could not bring myself to dismiss it so easily. For me Bella's party was a catalyst, I knew now that something had to change. I had been so selfish in thinking that I could remain with her throughout her life; I still refused to see Alice's vision as a viable option even though I could tell from her thoughts that it was getting stronger every day. If I had been selfish in allowing myself to stay with Bella, making her an immortal would be unforgivably self-serving. I had to fix this and I had to make amends for my conceited actions, perhaps I could do both at once.

I heard Carlisle's thoughts almost as soon as I heard his car's engine.

_I wonder if they've heard from Alice and Jasper today. Poor Jasper, he was so upset, he needs to be more patient and realistic in what he expects of himself_.

He was incredibly worried for all of his adopted children at the moment and was especially grateful for my understated reaction. In his thoughts he frequently compared my reaction to how he believed he would have felt had it been Esme in mortal danger. Originally he had reasoned that I must have been able to hear that Jasper didn't truly want to harm Bella. I smiled mirthlessly, if only he knew what Jasper had been thinking at that moment, his illusion of Jasper's intent would be quickly shattered. Jasper had been completely dominated by bloodlust and intent on the kill. I knew because his thoughts had pushed me dangerously close to the edge of my own control.

I heard gravel crunch under the tires as Carlisle's car turned onto our driveway, his thoughts had now turned to me.

_I cannot believe that Edward was so calm, it is simply not possible. I do not doubt that his level of love and devotion to Bella equals my own to Esme. Something else is going on here, I just can't put my finger on it._

I sighed heavily and exited my room, heading down the hallway and towards Carlisle's study. I could tell that he would want to talk. His footfalls lightly landed up the front stairs and I heard the front door softly creak open and then closed again.

I walked into Carlisle's study and made myself comfortable in the brown leather winged chair facing the mahogany desk. The leather was butter soft under my fingertips as I restlessly drew small circles on the sturdy arms. I had been spending too much time with Bella; I was no longer used to being still. Carlisle opened his study door and examined me without the slightest hint of surprise at my presence in his private space.

"You wanted to talk," I offered as way of explanation.

Carlisle's expression was grim.

_What is happening here Edward?_

"I don't know what you mean."

Carlisle gave me an extremely unimpressed look, the kind of look that parents give their children when they know they are being blatantly lied to.

"Edward…" _There is no sense in lying to me son._

"Carlisle…" I rather impetuously countered.

_If you wish me to speak aloud and make the entirety of this conversation open for all ears then please continue to act as the seventeen year old you impersonate._

"Sorry," I mumbled. I didn't want to have this particular conversation out loud. It felt like the beginning of a particularly nasty mess that I would rather not have played out in front of my entire family. I was starting to get a pretty clear picture of where this particular talk was heading and I didn't like it one little bit. Well at least I knew Carlisle wasn't going to like the solution that was rapidly forming in my mind any better.

_Something has to be done Edward; this situation is tearing our family apart. We love Bella, you love Bella. I understand your reservations but truly we are running out of viable solutions here. It's only a matter of time son._

I sighed heavily.

"I know."

Carlisle looked at me, his face was a mask of surprise.

_Is he reconsidering at last?_

I shook my head vehemently. "No I haven't changed my mind but I have thought of a better solution."

In my head I could hear all of the minds of my family turning to "look" in the direction of Carlisle's study. Usually we tried to give each other as much privacy as possible, considering the intrusive nature of our heightened senses, but right now all notions of confidentiality were well and truly gone.

_What does he mean "a better solution"?_

_A better solution? Can it be possible? I can't see how but I hope for Edward's sake that there is._

_Any solution would be better for her then what Alice had foreseen and for us too. I don't like the way she is changing everything._

_Another way around this? Well that's got to make Rosie happy…_

I took a breath and tried to reassemble my thoughts after the onslaught of my family's voices. At that moment, as if on cue, the phone rang. Without breaking eye contact with me for a second, Carlisle reached for the phone that sat on the desk in front of him.

"Hello this Dr Carlisle Cul…"

"Carlisle, it's Alice, sorry but can you put me on with Edward?"

I really should have guessed that my latest decision wouldn't be missed by the resident Cullen clan psychic. Still she must have been watching me; it was rare for her to get visions of events from afar unless she was concentrating.

"Yes of course Alice. Is everything ok, you sound upset?"

"Ummm, no, not really. Look I'll explain everything I promise, I just have to talk to Edward first."

Carlisle handed me the phone without a sound, his mind was whirring with worry about Jasper and what may have happened to upset Alice so badly.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" Alice's voice screeched down the phone at me.

"Alice, I…"

"NO, EDWARD CULLEN YOU LISTEN TO ME AND YOU LISTEN WELL. THIS WILL NOT, I REPEAT, WILL NOT WORK. YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE!"

"Alice calm down please." I tried to speak softly although I knew that everyone in the house had heard every word that Alice had fired at me.

"NO, NOT UNTIL YOU PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS GOD AWFUL PLAN." She paused. "TOO LATE! I CAN SEE THAT YOU WON'T YOU IDIOTIC, STUBBORN…"

"Edward what is going on?" Carlisle questioned from behind me. "What is Alice talking about?"

Alarm filled the mental tones of my family, Esme in particular.

"HE'S LEAVING BELLA!" Alice sounded close to hysteria.

_Oh no! He's leaving! He's leaving us again! My baby, I can't stand to lose him again!_

_He's leaving! How could he? After all we have been through to try and make this work with his stupid human._

_Whoa! Edward is leaving?_

Only Carlisle's mind didn't automatically leap to the conclusion that I was again abandoning the family. His thoughts held one word only, one single question.

_Why?_

"No, calm down everyone, I'm not leaving." I desperately tried to placate everyone before the building frenzy intensified. I heard quick footsteps from several areas of the house, footsteps heading towards the study.

"YES YOU ARE EDWARD!"

"Alice, please! Calm down! Let me…"

I felt the phone being lifted from my hand.

"Alice where are you now?" Carlisle calmly questioned.

"On the Interstate, we'll be home by tomorrow. Carlisle this is wrong, it's a horrible, terrible mistake. I can tell."

"It's ok Alice we are going to have a family meeting about this now and open the floor to discussion." He eyed me forcefully. "We'll talk it through."

"Ok." Alice sounded slightly assuaged. "Please don't let him do it Carlisle, he'll regret it forever." Her voice was plainly pleading. I wondered just how hard this path was going to be on me, how much of a toll it would take.

At that moment the door to Carlisle's study burst open and Esme all but launched herself through the door with Rosalie and Emmett close on her heels. Esme's face was awash with concern, her tawny eyes flitted continually between Carlisle and me. She stood unmoving in all but her hands which she was fiercely wringing. Rosalie came no further into the room then the doorway which she leant against casually. A sneer of harsh amusement plastered on her perfect mouth, she looked pointedly at me before turning her gaze towards Carlisle. Emmett trundled in after Rosalie, he flopped down noiselessly into the armchair I had just occupied. For once his face held no hint of smile or humour, and his anxious eyes were fixed firmly on the floor.

"Don't worry, I promise no rash decisions will be made. Please try and get home as quickly as you can whilst being safe."

"Thanks Carlisle, we'll see you all soon."

The soft click that signalled the end of the call also heralded the beginning of the mental and verbal onslaught of questions.

_Has the temptation of her blood gotten that strong? I'm sure it can't be that, he handled all that blood at her birthday._

"How could you even think of leaving us?"

_I knew that girl would be nothing but trouble. I'll kill her if we have to move again._

"What is going on Edward?"

_I don't get it._

"I don't get it Edward"

Well at least you could always count on Emmett for transparency.

Carlisle held up a quelling hand and the noise quietened both in and out of my head.

"I think that we all need to go downstairs to talk about this rationally and calmly. Edward, to the dining table please. Rosalie don't give me that look, this needs to be discussed in a mature and reasonable fashion."

Rosalie turned and stalked down the hallway. Emmett followed close behind her, his usual exuberant stride muffled by concern. Esme turned her luminous eyes on me; they were swimming with concern and worry.

"Esme, please…" Carlisle gently requested.

Esme turned and silently walked out of the room. Carlisle looked at me, his face help neither approval or disappointment simply a grim determination.

_Honesty Edward._

And with that single thought he too turned and left the room.

I followed.

Soooooooo, what did you think? This is my very first piece of fiction writing so please send a review my way to let me know how I'm doing. I also have plans for some more chapters to add to this story, it definitely isn't finished yet. So I hope you stick around to see where we end up.

I've also got to add a massive thanks to my beta content1 who has been great with showing a fanfic newbie the ropes. Go check out her stories, they are amazing.


	2. Leaving Soon

**Leaving Soon**

Chapter Two and I'm still here, no seriously if you knew my inability to stick with things I start, you'd be amazed too. I have a plan for this story now which involves about six chapters, I know that doesn't sound like much but it is only the timespan of a few days that I'm covering so I don't think that any more chapters will be plausible. Hopefully you'll all stick around for the ride!

**I own:** A new tattoo, a Nikon DSLR, a red pen, and this story

**I do not own:** Twilight, its characters or plot or Elisa's 'Dancing'

_So I put my arms around you around you_

_And I know that I'll be leaving soon_

_My eyes are on you they're on you_

_And you see that I can't stop shaking_

It had taken me four hours of arguing, defending, and pleading to get my family to even countenance what I was requesting. Four hours of heated words and hotter thoughts; of blame, of guilt, of responsibility. Still, my constant pressure to be allowed to leave alone continually fell on mute ears. They would not, _could_ not, allow that to happen ever again.

I was searching for solace, wandering through the woods that had always offered respite from my challenges and silence for my mind. The softness of the damp grass as it caressed my bare feet was a stark contrast to the brutal flagellation that my mind was subjecting my heart to. My thoughts wandered wildly from one painful musing to the next all the while my legs moved stoically forward unconsciously making their way to my destination. The otherworldly green landscape offered no surprises to my eyes, and I smiled ruefully to myself at the familiar path. I was walking to the meadow. Once again, I allowed my thoughts to overtake my senses.

I knew how precious the life we had built at Forks was for everyone, especially Rosalie. Her constant battle to accept our nature made the lure of any sort of normality extremely potent, and the fact that she had resigned herself to repeating high school was a testament to just how much she wanted this town to work, and to be home for as long as possible. Much of Rose's anger towards Bella in the early stages of our relationship had been due to the real chance of exposure she caused and the threat that chance carried. Bella could have ruined Rosalie's opportunity, and Rose, the eternal control freak, could not handle the variable of Bella's humanity. It was a true testament to her love for me that she was willing to give up that which meant so much to her. Especially since selflessness was not a trait one would usually associate with Rosalie. Not that Rosalie had sacrificed her happiness easily, oh no, Carlisle had barely been able to prise it out of her cold, strong hands. Rosalie did not make sacrifice lightly, and it would take me many decades to make it up to her.

Esme too had been hard to convince, especially since she was unequivocally against my leaving Bella. In her mind, I was abandoning the one true chance of happiness that I had been given, and not only was I throwing away my own chance, but Bella's too. Try as I did to convince her that Bella was human and therefore, unlike a vampire, capable of loving more than once in her lifetime,Esme had retorted that that call was solely Bella's to make. In the end, I believe the only reason that Esme had decided to acquiesce to my request was her deep fear of my leaving her again. And nothing could possibly be worse than that, not even abandoning the girl she had already begun to think of as a daughter.

I had not asked Esme or indeed any of my family to put themselves into this horrible predicament for my benefit, indeed I had not asked them to do it at all. I was prepared to the leave Forks on my own and wait out the time until they were forced to move on to the next town. I had, however, been selfish enough to hope that my absence would convince them to leave sooner. The thought of another ten years alone on top of the pain that my separation from Bella would cause, was almost more then I couldbear. But still, I was strong enough to at last make a selfless choice and put my own wishes last.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, leaving traces of forest debris from where I had rested my palms on the earth. It was a nervous habit that I knew from Carlisle's memory was a rare remainder from my human past. And I was nervous now; nervous, confused, anxious, but most of all, I was hurting.

I had not gone to Bella's room last night. I would not go again tonight. I liked to think of myself as a strong person, but I knew I was not strong enough to endure that torture. I had not been home either; I couldn't bear the pained thoughts that clung to my family. I already felt that my world was being torn to pieces; I simply could not face the guilt of knowing that I was inflicting that same distress on the people I loved. Most of the time, when I was not at school attempting to continue the façade of normality, I ended up here in the meadow. Last night, I had watched the dew condense, the beauty of the slowly gathering water had for the first time not been enough to distract me from my turbulent thoughts.

I sighed and turned back to the direction of home, there was only so long that I could hide. I had to meet my demons face-on because I knew, perhaps better than most, that they would always find me. My mind on its own accord, returned to the events of last night that had sealed my family's fate.

…

It had only taken four words to turn my very existence upside down. Just four words. And those four words were uttered from my own mouth.

"I have to leave."

Pandemonium had ensued.

Esme had flown out of her chair and around the other side of the table to where I was seated. Her small hands encircled my arms and she began to shake me as roughly as she could manage.

_No! I will not allow it, he will not leave again!_

"You will not leave us again Edward! Do you hear me? I will not allow it!"

For once, her inner voice purely mirrored that of her outer. All the other's thoughts carried similar messages of disbelief and panic.

_He's leaving; you have got to be joking! How many more things have to go wrong! I miss our old life, it was so much easier when he was alone._

_Why is he leaving? I don't understand. I may not be the smartest guy here but Edward, you are making zero sense right now!_

_Oh dear, Rosalie looks ropable, I need to get this situation under control now. I don't understand what is happening with Edward right now, but I do know that he must have his reasons. Maybe I should ask him to explain._

"Please everyone calm down!" Carlisle's commanding tones carried across the cacophony, "Edward, please explain what exactly you plan to do."

And so I did.

I talked and reasoned and argued and coerced. I explained for hours why I had to make this choice and pleaded for my family to understand. If I had still been human my voice would have been hoarse from over-use. But no matter what I said or how I presented my argument, there was no compromise to be found. Esme was pained, Rosalie was livid, and Emmettt was vaguely considering forcibly restraining me until I saw sense.

Emmettt's thoughts worried me, for as long as he did not make up his mind until a split-second before he moved there was a very real chance that I would find myself physically contained. Emmettt often seemed slow comparatively to the rest of my family, but it was an act. He knew the weak spots in my ability, and what's more, he knew how to exploit them. It was hard to concentrate solely on Emmett with Rosalie's shrill voice ringing in my ears and her equally acerbic thoughts crashing through my with Esme's pleading words and thoughts, it was all I could do not to run from the room. It may have been due to this din that I did not notice the lack of one particular voice until many minutes had passed.

Carlisle had neither thought nor spoke a word in my direction since I had made my case to the family, and I was bothered because in the end it was Carlisle's word that made or broke any decision in our home. I fervently wished for Jasper so that I could get some idea of what Carlisle's emotional response to this situation was. All I was able to tell was that he was stoic in the face of the calamity surrounding him. He stood with his hands in his pockets, gazing through the window with unseeing eyes. If Carlisle had not already won my respect and admiration a million times over, he would have done so at that moment. I knew how much pain I was causing him, how much upheaval I was going to create in his life, and I was acutely aware that I had done it all to him before. Yet there he stood; waiting, thinking, deliberating without anger or accusation...mulling over what would be best for all of us. I did not deserve such a father as Carlisle.

I realised after some minutes that Carlisle was waiting for something before handing down his judgement, waiting for something or _someone_. It was like a moment of blinding clarity, of course he was waiting! He was waiting for Alice and Jasper just as he had promised when they had spoken on the phone a day ago.

Almost as if on cue, he turned towards where I was sitting and quirked an eyebrow in my direction.

_You didn't really think that this would be resolved without them did you? You know I always keep my word._

Sometimes I wondered if Carlisle couldn't read minds as well as I did.

I settled into one of the arm chairs that were artfully arranged around the lounge room by Esme. This particular chair was buttery-soft suede in a camel sort of color that blended seamlessly with the neutral palette of the room. Esme's gift for design was astounding, she was able to take one concept, such as light, and transform it into a beautiful reality. As tempers cooled and emotions settled, the family seemed to sink into personal reveries and thoughts.

Esme took a seat at the family dining table with her sketch pad in front of her, a pencil mindlessly traversed the page in a series of spirals. Her mind was far away, in Ohio, where she, Carlisle, and I first became a family. Esme had never regretted the choice that Carlisle had made to change her, her mortal life had been so devoid of hope that she had attempted to take her own life. As fate would have it, it was this choice that led her back to the man that she had fallen in love with when she was just sixteen years old. If Esme had any regrets at all, it was only the two lives she'd taken...the blood that was on her hands, and her thoughts were sure that she would never allow Bella to experience the type of guilt that she now lived with.

I understood why Esme's thoughts had travelled in this direction, she saw many parallels between her situation and Bella's; one in particular that eclipsed all others. Esme had been in love with Carlisle as a human; Bella, a human, was indisputably in love with me. As a vampire, her love for Carlisle had blossomed as she was sure mine and Bella's would. To my overly romantic mother, this was a chance for Bella to experience a level of love that was far beyond that of human comprehension. But what Esme forgot, that I could not overlook, was the path that led to her transformation. Esme's life held so little for her that even becoming a soul-less monster was a welcome alternative. Bella had a good life full of chances, choices and love; she had a bright future ahead of her and no reason at all to choose and eternity of living death. I could not be that selfish, no matter how much I longed to be.

…

I reached over to my sound system and flipped the power switch. The music that had for so long been my solace was now a form of slow torture. Every melody and sound reminded me of Bella, every lyric given deeper meaning because of my love for her. I could not escape her, she had permeated every fibre of my being, and I was about to rip myself apart in leaving her. Not that the pain was all my own, I knew that Bella was aware that all was far from well. She had always been too perceptive for her own good. My first mistake had been to underestimate how much she saw and understood, my last would be to think she could survive in this world with me. For the most part of the night I had wandered the forest trying to steel myself for what I was going to do today, how in a few short hours I was going to hurt so many people and turn so many lives upside down.

I sighed and leaned over to pull the sound system's plug from out of the socket, it was the last thing I had left to pack.

So I just had to make a quick amendment when I read over the published version and realised that my big massive THANK YOU to my wonderful beta Content 1 was missing. So here it is THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Everyone go and read her stories, they are amazing. At the moment I'm loving "Unloved Unwanted". Any reviews would be very much appreciated, and I promise to upload the next chapter in a more timely fashion.


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